Hand In Hand Parenting
“Togetherness” is one of the key ingredients to family life!
When we think ‘family’, we often think ‘parents!’ The image we see in front of us is of both mother as well as father; an image that we carry at the core of our heart till our very last breath and beyond!
For a child, the world begins with his/her mother and father and remains as is for a lifetime. Thus, bringing us to the topic of this blog which will throw light on the importance of parenting together as a team; parenting hand-in-hand.
Research has shown multiple times that regardless of background, a close-knit parent-child connection throughout childhood is the strongest factor in preventing a variety of health and social problems, including addictions, violence, suicides, negative thoughts and actions.
It raises healthy children and builds a healthy world. This strong emotional bond is the prime attribute of happy, well-adjusted families and the soundest way to a better generation and better society. We provide you Parent Toddler Program that will help you to tackle such situation and create a great bond between you and child
Below are some handful and useful tips that you can try at your end with your spouse which will help you parent together as a team:
Stay child-focused: Always keep your child’s best interests in view and take decisions accordingly. It’s best to keep your personal egos, opinions and feelings aside. Remember, the goal isn’t to get things your way 100% percent. The goal is to parent your child effectively.
Empathize with your child, but not at the cost of blaming/criticizing your spouse: If you have decided to go along with your spouse’s decision on a particular matter, make sure you explain it well to your child. For e.g., you can say, “I know you are upset that we are not letting you go to your friend’s house for a sleepover.” When you show empathy, your child also feels understood and yet you don’t break the rule of working as a team.
Leave children out of your fights as a couple: Have you found yourself say these sentences to your spouse:
“Leave him/her alone—he/she is doing fine in studies.”
“You’re too strict—that’s why he/she is like this.”
Often parents focus on each other rather than their child and when this happens, the child isn’t held accountable and the unacceptable behavior continues. The fight between the parents raises anxiety in the house making it more likely for the child to either act out or isolate himself or manipulate the situation to his/her advantage.
Back each other up: Make it a rule that if one parent makes a rule or disciplines the child, the other parent must back it up, even if the other parent disagrees. You and your spouse must present yourselves as a unified team to your child or it will undermine your authority as parents. You both can discuss alternate ways in private.
Make parenting discussions with an open and calm mind: Call for discussions when you can listen to one another’s perspective without criticism or personal attacks and with respect. If you are talking with your spouse and find that the conversation is getting heated up, take a time-out and go for a walk or drive. When you come back later, discuss with an open mind. Don’t let your conversations escalate and be mindful.
Listen to each other without reacting: If you can each spend a few minutes just hearing out your spouse without reacting, then you give yourselves a chance to come to terms with each other. Just listen without interruption! Try to understand your spouse’s point of view, and often, you’ll find a common solution that you never knew existed.
Understand your spouse’s upbringing & family history: Bare in mind that you and your spouse have a different family history and upbringing and certain beliefs are deeply rooted. Look at it more objectively and less personally. Times change and so do safety protocols and cultural rules. What might have worked back when you were children might not make sense now. Remember, this is your family, not your parent’s family and you both get to lay down the family ground rules.
Divide your roles & responsibilities & stick to them: Mutually decide amongst yourselves about which partner is better at what. For e.g. The mother can focus on the child’s studies while the father can teach basic life skills like eating independently, making a bedtime routine, organizing the room etc. Stick to these responsibilities no matter what so that the child is clear on what to expect and there is no overstepping amongst the couple.
Parenting cannot be gender-specific: In the traditional society, certain roles were defined for each parent. However, with time this has changed and both parents need to assume all roles. For e.g., Fathers need to learn to change diapers and cook while mothers need to start working immediately post their maternity break. The faster we bring this change the more accepting our next generation will be and gender biases will be broken.
Make the tone of the house assertive & positive: Fine tune your commands to sound more positive and avoid use of the word ‘NO!’
E.g., Instead of saying, “Don’t scribble on the walls,” try saying “Why don’t you use this paper to scribble?”
Make it a habit amongst yourselves to tell the child what to do, instead of what NOT to do.
Also, emphasize on the use of magic words like please, sorry, thank you, excuse me etc. in your daily conversations as your child is going to mirror you. You are their role model and you will soon hear what you speak.
It’s ok to get professional help: If you feel like you’ve tried everything and you’re still not able to get on the same page with your spouse, you may need some professional help in the form of a therapist that will help you find ways to talk with each other productively. Believe it or not, differences between spouses can be a source of strength if we can communicate effectively, overlook minor differences and forgive one another quickly.
Also, it’s really important for you to create the correct surrounding and happy moments for your child to grow in more healthy way. And so, its really important for you to select the correct high quality day care or top preschool for your kids. Selecting correct school for your child play very important role in child’s behavior
Hand-in-hand parenting can be a blessing for your child and give lifelong impressions to your little one as he/she will:
Feel secure, confident and have better self-esteem
Benefit from consistency with children being aware of what and when to expect
Have better, effective and peaceful problem-solving skills
Have a healthy example and life pattern to follow which will help build and maintain stronger relationships in future
Become mentally and emotionally healthier
Let’s pledge to redefine our parenting as a couple and mold a happier, healthier and well brought up generation which will spread the goodness further to the world!
– Ms. Suvarna Mundhe
Jumpstart International Preschool